Staten Island: Not Even Worth the Attention I'm Giving It

Staten Island, are you seriously trying to pick a fight with the big boys? Your borough is so insignficant, I laugh at the thought of going there for anything. I think I drove through Staten Island once. You think your island is too good for everyone else: you have to pay to get onto it. At first, that sounded exclusive, until I realized that I just paid nine bucks for admission to the New York Guido Factory and Landfill.

Your borough is a cesspool, yet you think you can compete with the big boys. Manhattan has three times as many warm bodies as you do (no, I'm not going to include the thousands of rotting corpses buried in your garbage dumps). Brooklyn has six times as many people. We've got strength in numbers. But since you Staten Islanders are a bunch of meatheads, your Borough President, James P. Molinaro, insists on picking a fight with us:

“It appears to me that Staten Islanders, being the most law-abiding people, hard-working people, God-loving people, are abused the most by the M.T.A.”

Excuse me? The most? Apparently, to the Staten Island meatheads, Manhattanites are lazy criminal atheists. Screw you. Don't you dare play the holier-than-thou card. It's not our fault that your lowly island reeks of garbage and you've been on the verge of getting a Wal-Mart and a NASCAR track.

Oh, and don't complain about transportation, either. You're the ones who chose to live in a place that's like two hours away from Manhattan, unless you take a puke-orange boat occasionally piloted by alcoholics.

Staten Island, we don't want you anymore. We never really wanted you, and we have a feeling you don't want us, either. Slick your hair back, jump in your needlessly pimped-out Honda, drive to New Jersey, and pick a fight with someone you can handle: a drunk Guido at a bar down the Shore.

5 Moments of Idiocy:

Blogger Deb O said...

Yep, Staten Island is the ultimate landfill. Heck, one of my "field trips" in college 30 years ago was to the landfill on Staten Island. It was their claim to fame then and still is.

2:13 PM  
Blogger Beehive Hairdresser said...

Sadly, I went to high school on Staten Island.

There I admitted it!

10:42 AM  
Blogger Michael Leggett said...

Staten Island, or (Brooklyn West),must be NYC's Biggest Source of Smartass Yankees Fans.

3:13 PM  
Blogger boobtubers said...

I once had it out with a friend from S.I. (or as he called it, Shao-Lin. Seriously.) We were arguing over who was more New York - him, or me (I'm originally from Long Island.) Seriously, I maintain that despite having grown up in suburban la-la land, I'm still more NY than a Staten Islander. Confirm/deny.

12:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are the reason people hate NYers.

And I am really sorry that you being so insecure (small penis, most likely) that you need to lash out at people.

Good luck dealing with your issues!

11:45 AM  

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