Staten Island: Not Even Worth the Attention I'm Giving It
Your borough is a cesspool, yet you think you can compete with the big boys. Manhattan has three times as many warm bodies as you do (no, I'm not going to include the thousands of rotting corpses buried in your garbage dumps). Brooklyn has six times as many people. We've got strength in numbers. But since you Staten Islanders are a bunch of meatheads, your Borough President, James P. Molinaro, insists on picking a fight with us:
“It appears to me that Staten Islanders, being the most law-abiding people, hard-working people, God-loving people, are abused the most by the M.T.A.”Excuse me? The most? Apparently, to the Staten Island meatheads, Manhattanites are lazy criminal atheists. Screw you. Don't you dare play the holier-than-thou card. It's not our fault that your lowly island reeks of garbage and you've been on the verge of getting a Wal-Mart and a NASCAR track.
Oh, and don't complain about transportation, either. You're the ones who chose to live in a place that's like two hours away from Manhattan, unless you take a puke-orange boat occasionally piloted by alcoholics.
Staten Island, we don't want you anymore. We never really wanted you, and we have a feeling you don't want us, either. Slick your hair back, jump in your needlessly pimped-out Honda, drive to New Jersey, and pick a fight with someone you can handle: a drunk Guido at a bar down the Shore.