The War is On

My fellow Chrisians,

This morning, we were attacked by the common cold. Other neighboring countries have faced this enemy head-on in the last few days, and now we are its target. We must stand up and fight. Or, alternately, lay down and fight.

The War on Cold will be fought on several different fronts. First, we will smoke our enemies out of their holes with a simple defensive weapon known as steam. Our military has been investigating new, effective, and efficient high-tech weaponry. Emergen-C has been a cutting edge tool in the War on Cold, although its costs are high. Interestingly, its waste product, neon green urine, has the effect of literally blinding our enemies, and ourselves. We have also brought some allies into our fight as well: deliverymen. History has taught us to "feed a cold, starve a fever." So, Chinese food, chicken sandwiches, and burritos will bring our enemy to its knees. And finally, most importantly, we will not rest in this war until we are well-rested.

Finally, we have an exit strategy and a timetable. Our hope is that the enemy will be uprooted from our sovereign land by tomorrow afternoon, so our leader can greet The Killers at Webster Hall. In addition, our nation must not suffer defeat just days before a goodwill visit to the West Village with leaders Jack Daniels, John Molson, and Jose Cuervo.

Stay strong, fellow countrymen. We will prevail in the War on Cold. We will not let illness, fear, and pain win. Our enemies are like germs. Sorry, actually, they are germs. They will be defeated.

Thank you, and god bless... AACHOO... me.

5 Moments of Idiocy:

Anonymous Meaghan said...

you are such a dork.

7:40 PM  
Blogger DrunkBrunch said...

Maybe you're sick because you took your shirt off last night.

10:17 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

No, usually that has the effect of making other people sick.

10:47 PM  
Blogger shutupihateyoumore said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:59 AM  
Blogger shutupihateyoumore said...

Getting sick sucks. We are sorry for you. We also suggest even if it is fun to take off your shirt, while sick you should not.

While we are sure you have never seen this post, it is from another time when we didn't post as brother and sister...on a blog who has fallen ill as well. We morn the loss of the blog to its illness

happy new (or jew) year

donnie and sally

12:01 PM  

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