Things That Make Me Think Everyone in New York is Retarded This Morning

- A guy on the subway platform, who was rather young and looked completely healthy and without a limp, was walking as slow as a turtle this morning. A line of 10 people queued up behind him. When an opening finally came up to pass him, nearly everyone sneered, and he passed back a "what did I do?" look.


- The L train pulled into the station and came to a complete stop at its normal position. Then it started up again and pulled out of the station without opening its doors. The next train was five minutes behind it.

- The N train lurched along from 14th Street to 57th Street like a crippled child. This actually isn't retarded; it's expected, since the N is the worst subway line... again.

- I ordered a 16-ounce Tropical Awakening at Jamba Juice this morning. I got a 24-ounce unidentifable smoothie with blueberries in it. I hope it didn't have a Femme boost in it.

- On the elevator this morning: "Yeah, I take the subway because it's air-conditioned, but did you know the platforms are, like, never air-conditioned?" Really. I had no idea.

10 Moments of Idiocy:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

i usually think everyone in ny is retarded every morning, grumble

11:23 AM  
Blogger Cliff said...

My main problem is with the subways. People?? Speed!! Come on, this is NYC for a reason!!! I remember when I lived in Chinatown (oh god), coming home to my apartment after work (and in no mood to celebrate ethnic New York) I just wanted to kick everyone in my way for walking so goddamn slow and crowding MY street.

11:37 AM  
Blogger Jaime said...

I think the L train operator was just fucking with you guys.

Could you hear him laughing as he pulled away?

12:56 PM  
Anonymous Brandi said...

I had to wait for one train to pass because it got too full. Then we all crammed onto the next train, and when it stopped, the fat lady by the door wouldn't move. I said, "you need to step off so everyone can get out", and her reply was that I needed to move out of her way. Ya know, so she could get further into the train as people got off. That's when I told her she was a bitch. Gotta love the subway....

1:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

good lord, how do people live in chinatown? whenever i think about the foot-traffic on canal i want to regurgitate my dim sum.

2:54 PM  
Anonymous rebecca said...

hey man, it's just vitamins! but i understand if you feel like the femme boost isn't too manly. when i worked at jamba, i only remember one guy ordering a femme boost ... "just because".

7:08 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

That L driver is probably the same guy from that old Eddie Murphy Mr. Softy sketch: "And the driver always drove an extra block. And I know he heard us! He was just saying to his friend, 'Watch how fast I make these little motherfuckers run.'"

7:56 PM  
Blogger Corinne said...

I think it's a toss up between the N/R line and the E. I have some serious issues with the E... and of course, every place I've ever worked is only a few blocks away from a damned E stop.

1:15 AM  
Blogger Kelly said...

I don't know about that E... those of us in downtown Brooklyn curse the E train to hell on a daily basis. There's nothing worse than waiting forever on a hot platform in the village late at night, seeing subway lights coming toward you, and seeing 3 E trains stop at the station before you can get on an A or C train that'll go past freakin' Chambers Street.

10:31 AM  
Anonymous ryan said...

Damn it, I miss New York.

12:57 PM  

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