It's Just Like Dennis Leary Said

"I don't like your blog, Chris," my friend Abbie said over brunch this weekend. "You sound like an asshole on it."

Since she said it, I've been stuck on this statement. And the more I think about it, the more I realize she's right. I am apparently now the enemy of East Village women, tourists in New York, "Frat Boys", street hawkers, Duane Reade employees, Best Buy employees, Yankee fans, and most New Yorkers in general. Holy shit. I really am an asshole.

But what does that say about my readers, who keep coming back day after day? Do they like the fact that I'm an asshole? Because I swear to you, in person, I am not an asshole. And what does it say about my fellow bloggers (just a sampling), who I'm hanging out with this week? Do they expect me to act like a total tool? Because I'm pretty sure I'm not a tool. Because I hate tools. And I don't think I hate myself.

Maybe it's time for a kinder, gentler Chris. One who writes about how much he loves the tourists who swarm the sidewalk in front of his office. One who writes about how much fun the Murray Hill/Midtown East/Turtle Bay bar scene is. One who writes about the awesome new hipster fashion trends crossing the East River from Williamsburg. One who writes about how relaxing it is to ride the L train at 8:45 in the morning.

Ah, fuck it. If I've got nothing to bitch about, I've got nothing to write about. I found my voice on my blog: the voice of an asshole.

15 Moments of Idiocy:

Anonymous Karen ;- ) said...

The voice of an asshole = a fart. Your blog farts. WOO HOO! I still think you're keen. Dude, it's a blog and by nature self-possessed. If people disagree with you that's because they're not, well, YOU! Silly New Yorkers...always looking for something to make 'em angry.

10:16 AM  
Blogger Betty said...

I swear to god chris, if you ever start writing like a nice guy douche- i will never read you again.

10:37 AM  
Anonymous Meaghan said...

CLARKE! Don't you lie to your adoring public. you ARE an asshole in person.


just kidding.

kinda.

fucking red sox fans.

12:18 PM  
Blogger Jaime said...

I have to disagree with Abbie. There are much worse assholes out there.

1:33 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

Thanks, Jaime. I think.

1:42 PM  
Blogger threetoedsloth said...

Not to worry, when people call you an asshole it's just the first sign of being FAMOUS!

3:16 PM  
Blogger The Omnipotent Q said...

Write what you want on your blog, Chris. Damn your ctitics! Damn them all to hell!!

You maybe an asshole, but you're OUR asshole!!

Just kidding of course.....lol

4:36 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

Hey, at least your mom doesn't yell at you when you drop the F-bomb on your blog. Mine sent me an email yesterday telling me how nice it was to be able to check my blog everyday (she's on vacation) and then yelled me for spending too much on jeans and for saying "fuck" twice in one post.

Don't worry. Blogs aren't for everyone. At least someone hasn't told you to kill yourself yet. I got that in the first month of my blog. They may think you're an asshole, but at least they don't mind that you're alive.

5:04 PM  
Blogger Deb O said...

To Kate:

I have been known, on occasion, to utter the F word. While I prefer to find other words to express frustration and anger, it just happens.

I accept that the Idiot's blog is not written with me (his Mom) in mind. As for the price of his jeans.....I have been known to splug on clothes myself. If you love 'em and you wear 'em an you also look good in 'em. IMHO, they are worth the extra bucks. The cheap ones just don't fit.

7:16 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

Kate,

You are part of an historic first: the first time that my mom has commented in response to another blogger. Congratulations.

And my mom, for the record, has never complained about my use of profanity. Yet.

Wait. Did my mom just call me an idiot?

10:45 PM  
Anonymous Josh said...

Are you writing this for us or are you writing it for you? Don't change a thing.

11:09 PM  
Blogger PJ said...

I don't like assholes but I read your blog everyday. As someone who often relies on what frustrates her for blog fodder, there's nothing wrong with it. You can't help it that people are annoying.

Keep it up.

11:34 PM  
Blogger WelshSoxFan said...

Nah, you're not an asshole. The problem is that that vast majority of people are complete f-ing morons. Merely pointing out that NYC, and the world in general is made up primarily of idiots doesn't make you an asshole when these people, by their mere existence, make a strong case for state sponsored vasectomies.

8:48 AM  
Blogger Trump said...

I come from a small town where the IQ points seem to lower as the sperm count rises. This, therefore, makes me illegible to call people mindless, stupid fucktards without caring who I offend.

Sorry at all mums for swearing.

2:05 PM  
Anonymous Brian said...

I agree with Betty. Might as well just pop your collar and become one of the people you've been writing about.

8:02 PM  

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