Perfectly Reasonable

President Bush said today that there was "a reasonable chance" that the U.S. could've shot down a North Korean missile headed towards North America. Reasonable, you know, because the system is nowhere near fully operational and what does exist only works about 20% of the time.

Standing by the President's logic, here are some things that have "a reasonable chance" of happening to me this weekend:

  • I will meet Lindsay Lohan when she stops me on the street to tell me she is a huge fan of my blog.
  • I will be forced to buy new bedding, as a weasel set loose in my apartment building will enter my bedroom and destroy my sheets.
  • I will fall victim to a black bear in Central Park, who will not maim me with his claws and teeth, but rather with a cordless electric saw.
  • I will acquire a rare flesh-eating sexual disease from Paris Hilton without being anywhere near her.
  • I will fall madly in love with a girl and fly to Vegas, where, inspired by our first date movie - Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest - we will get married in a pirate-themed ceremony.
  • I will return home to discover that my apartment is infested with koala bears - hungry koala bears - and worse, I have no eucalyptus. As a result, Mitch Hedberg will roll over in his grave.
  • I will start a game as the Designated Hitter for the Long Beach Armada, after an embarassing mix-up sends Jose Canseco to my company softball team.
  • I will win the New Jersey Lottery.
  • 7 Moments of Idiocy:

    Anonymous ryan said...

    I actually know Lindsey Lohan and showed her your blog. She loves it!

    And what's this about a koala bear infestation? Are you lifting Mitch Hedberg's material, even after he's dead.

    4:42 AM  
    Blogger Chris said...

    Yes, I am. Because despite his death, it's still the cutest infestation ever.

    12:43 PM  
    Anonymous Amish said...

    Come here...let me hold you...feed you a leaf...

    6:02 PM  
    Blogger Chris said...

    Amish, I hope you're talking to the koalas, and not me.

    3:41 AM  
    Anonymous Karen ;- ) said...

    How was the wedding, Captain Sparrow?

    9:54 AM  
    Blogger brianna. said...

    Heelarious.

    Hey guess what? Kathleen attacked someone else on the phones this morning... Amie. A newbie. Thought you'd appreciate a blast from the scary past.

    11:04 AM  
    Anonymous Maple said...

    Actually, that fourth one seems fairly likely.

    12:56 AM  

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