Paradise by the Bathroom Stall

Many of you may be familiar with the rules of urinal spacing. That is, if a man is at a urinal, no other man should occupy a neighboring urinal. In addition, if there are three urinals in a restroom, the center urinal is never used.

While my co-workers follow the rules for the urinals, it seems that the rules are thrown out the window for the bathroom stalls in the men's room at my workplace. The reason? There is a kink in the chain of stalls: all but one of them suck.

As you come into the bathroom, the first stall has a little problem with flushing. A second flush is not made for courtesy here - it is done out of necessity. This stall is also directly behind the sinks, which makes people a bit uncomfortable about, well, doing anything that may be in noseshot - or earshot - of someone washing their hands.

The second stall's door has a latch problem that has not been fixed in two months. The door is completely useless, and if you're ever forced to use the stall, you must keep one hand or foot against the door at all times to keep it from springing open. I challenge anyone to use the bathroom in this position. It's quite an acrobatic feat.

The third stall always seems to be lacking sufficient toilet paper. I can't figure it out, because there never seems to be anyone in this stall. But I'm not about to ask anyone to "spare a square."

The final stall is pure paradise. It is the farthest stall from the door. The stall door actually locks. The lighting is dim, not harsh. The toilet paper is always fully-stocked. And, quite often, there are magazines and newspapers available for reading (and, I imagine, in desparate times, they could be used to wipe your ass). The Fourth Stall is every man's dream. While it has not been formally proven, I've heard that men spend an average of 37 minutes at a time in the Fourth Stall. And when I have to use the bathroom and the fourth stall is not open, I leave the bathroom and come back later in the hopes that I can share in the great paradise of the fourth stall.

Now I must excuse myself.

6 Moments of Idiocy:

Anonymous ryan said...

Much better! lol. And anytime you quote Seinfeld, you get double props from me.

This has got to be the most identifiable issue facing anyone who goes outside their home to use the bathroom.

And another reason why I never leave my house.

1:15 PM  
Anonymous Karen ;- ) said...

Excellent lunch reading. Now I'm going to puke. In "paradise," AKA the glorious final stall in any restroom.

1:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We have a similar situation in my office. The 'paradise' stall (aka the handicapped accessible one) is always stocked with tp and magazines, the door locks, and it's far enough down the line to offer some degree of privacy. The other stalls suck - malfunctioning door locks, wimpy flushing, etc.

However, it is a major step up from the men's room in my former place of work, an office of the NYC Dept of Health and Mental Hygeine. This was without a doubt the most disgusting and filthy men's room of all time and was probably being used as a laboratory for breeding infectious diseases. The situation was not helped by numerous male employees whose parents obviously never taught them about social skills like flushing or not taking a dump on the toilet seats. I think that the last time that the rest room was given a good cleaning was during the Eisenhower administration.

10:44 PM  
Blogger Ryan said...

This must be done on purpose by companies worlwide in efforts to keep their workforce out of the pooper and on their computer.

It is far to great of a cooincedence for you to have just described every office I have ever worked in.


12:39 AM  
Blogger Beehive Hairdresser said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

3:26 PM  
Blogger Beehive Hairdresser said...

I once made the mistake of being a good 4th stall citizen and throw away a big ball of tp before I sat down, and man was that a mistake. Someone wiped their butt and made the filthiest skidmark on a ball of tp, and then missed to bowl. Either that or purposely left it on the floor in front of the bowl. Either way, I was frightened off and I jumped ship to the third stall.

3:27 PM  

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