Fact and Fiction

Fact: Watching cable news all day will make your brain rot. I actually witnessed one network cut away from a live report of rocket attacks in Israel to cover "breaking news": a pick-up truck that may or may not have been involved in robbery is part of a high-speed chase in Houston. This is why I usually watch The Price is Right or Charles in Charge when I'm home sick.

Fiction: Allison Stewart is a legitimate journalist. She was on MTV, people! They just used "You Light Up My Life" as bumper music while they teased a story on power outages... on her news program on MSNBC!

Fact: Getting really sick is equally a great and terrible way to lose weight. I've lost six pounds since last Thursday. While this isn't exactly safe, when I'm fully recovered and off the drugs, my beer fast will officially be over.

Fiction: My readers care about my health and safety. Since, you know, they're advocating mixing prescription painkillers and alcohol.

Fact: "Ignition" by R. Kelly has been stuck in my head all day. I have no idea why. It's not the freaking weekend, and I'm in no mood to have me some fun. And I certainly haven't been fantasizing about hooking up with underaged girls.

Fiction: I have some interesting stories to tell. I have spent a total of five hours outside of apartment walls in the past five days, and four of those hours were in the emergency room. Soon, I will be able to show my face in public again without being stared at by freaks and pointed out by small children, and I will again be inspired to blog.

6 Moments of Idiocy:

Anonymous ryan said...

Oh, come on! I love Alison Stewart! She may have been on MTV, and Keith Olberman may have been on ESPN, but they're fun and lively.

And if it's a choice between Alison Stewart and Shepard Smith, I'm watching Alison.

or sticking to Charles in Charge (although I'm more of a Benson guy, myself).

6:19 PM  
Anonymous rebecca said...

can i just say that my roomie and i watched R. Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet" chapters 1-12 last night [don't worry, i borrowed it, for free, from work.] oh dear god it was hilarious and ludicrous and ridiculous. an actual rhyme used: midget and Bridget ... because Bridget had an affair with the midget.

aaaaaand i've said too much.

6:25 PM  
Blogger Jaime said...

Jesus, Chris, stop the tease! What on earth happened to you?? (And how can I lose six pounds in as many days?)

9:15 PM  
Anonymous Maple said...

I set my alarm today just to get up in time to watch The Price is Right.

12:12 AM  
Anonymous PJ said...

Well thanks a lot Chris, now I've got 'Ignition' playing in my head and it's bound to be a very long afternoon of "can I get a toot toot, can I get a beep beep".

10:22 PM  
Anonymous Karen ;- ) said...

Chris, while not thinking about hooking up with underaged girls, is CONSTANTLY thinking about hooking up with underGRAD girls. ZING!

12:39 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home