As American as Apple Pie and Puking

Last year, I created a Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest Drinking Game: pick your contestant, and take a drink for every hot dog eaten. And if you want to get wasted before 1pm on the Fourth of July, the obvious pick is Takeru Kobayashi.

So this year, I figured I'd actually go to the contest. The crowd was massive. I was a block away from the hot dogs themselves. To be honest, I felt kind of guilty attending this event and cheering these gluttons on. They're stuffing their faces while there are kids starving in Africa! These people are eating 500 hot dogs in 12 minutes! That could feed a small African village for a week with completely unnutritious mechanically separated mystery meat!

The resumes of these guys made me hungry for foods other than hot dogs. Grilled Cheese eating champion! Corned Beef and Cabbage eating champion! Crab Cake eating champion! Asparagus eating champion (do not go near his urinal after that)!

Kobayashi won, and set a new world record: 54 hot dogs in 12 minutes. I don't think I've eaten 54 hot dogs over the course of the last four years. That, for the record, is over 17,000 calories. You would have to power-walk for nearly an entire day to burn that all off. Walking back up to the subway, just the thought of it got me sick. I was kind of nauseous for the entire trip back on the F train, and felt the need to go the gym as soon as I got home, even though I didn't eat a single hot dog.

One last thought: apparently, "the average American" eats 23 hot dogs every summer. Are competitive eaters included in that statistic? Because that would definitely throw it off, and that number seems a little high to begin with. And competitive eaters are not exactly "average Americans." Or are they? This just might be my warped view from a blue state.

Okay, I've talked enough about hot dogs. Just the thought of one is making me sick now.

5 Moments of Idiocy:

Anonymous rebecca said...

oh man, my roomie's boyfriend was talking about doing the preliminaries for that. eating contests ... i could NEVER!!

1:26 AM  
Blogger Beehive Hairdresser said...

I thought that the American who ate 52 was going to blow chunks in the 11th minute or so. I was hoping he could stage a comeback, but moreso I was hoping that someone, anyone would spew chunks all over ESPN's live coverage.

There's always next year!

4:01 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

I loved the 62 year old guy who was the world champion eater for birthday cake, steak, chili, and tex-mex.

Ew.

1:04 PM  
Anonymous Mega Munch said...

Woo hoo! I was there and right up front (that's what getting there at 8:30 am will do...what the hell was I thinking?). And I still didn't get a good view of the eaters.

In defense of the International Federation of Competitive Eating (IFOCE), they and Nathan's did make a donation of 10,000 hot dogs to a charity that feeds hungry New Yorkers.

10:02 AM  
Blogger Michael Leggett said...

To think that ESPN wastes its' time on this:

What next, "Championship Flatulence on FOX";

Wait! That's "The 77th MLB All Star Game On FOX", when we have to listen to those 2 Flatulence-Spewers, Buck & Mc Carver;

Yikes!

5:05 AM  

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