It's the Pits
Let me explain. A couple weeks ago, I was hooking up with a girl, and she made a comment about my appearance. Like all comments girls make about my appearance, I accepted this one as gospel. These comments make you self-conscious about that particular feature forever, as the words run through your head over and over. One of my best girl friends once told me that I have "a big, Jewish nose." I have never looked at my nose the same way since.
I still remember her exact words that night: "good lord, it's like an enchanted forest in there." She was right. It was out of control. I'm Italian - hair grows on me like kudzu on a hot summer day. From that night forward, I became consumed with the appearance of my underarm hair.
The next day, I decided I should get it under control. I cropped it close, and soon discovered why women regularly shave their pits: it itched. It itched to all hell. The short, stubbly hair prickled my inner arm constantly. After two days of scratching like a monkey, I couldn't take it anymore. I shaved it all off. All of it. Not a hair to be seen. Smooth as a baby's bottom.
And so, a couple weeks later, I am still hairless. The stubble has grown back a couple times, only to itch again. One day, I will get over that hump, and my armpits will look more, um, masculine again. In the meantime, please don't stare.