A name by any other name
- Daehekoc (day-HEY-cock): for parents who wish to see their child passed out on the bathroom floor with celebrities at Bungalow 8.
- Pohsxes (POSS-zees): for parents who strive to see their child open a legitimate, successful business on the West Side.
- Reppirts (REP-errts): for parents who want their child to be a real self-starter, and known among the most powerful men in New York.
- Edicimoh (ed-EE-sim-oh): for parents who hope their child will carry on the tradition of their "import/export business."
- Relaedgurd (RELL-ad-gurd): for parents who see their child as an independent spirit, entering into his own profitable venture.
- Elppa (ELP-pa): for parents who think that the name "Apple" isn't fucked up enough.