Retronome sucks.

In Burlington, there are many choices for nightlife. But among the two most popular are Metronome and Rasputin's. On Saturday nights, they host their 80's dance party, called "Retronome." On all nights, including Saturdays, Rasputin's is more of a traditional dance club, and some think it's kind of sleazy. I'm not defending Rasputin's, but I'm tired of putting up with Retronome's shit, so here are Ten Reasons Rasputin's Is Better Than Retronome:

1. Nobody will shout "ALL THIS... FOR FLOCK OF SEAGULLS?" when seeing the line at Rasputin's.
2. When you leave Retronome piss drunk, you can fall down stairs. You can only fall up the stairs when leaving Rasputin's.
3. I've never been kicked out of Rasputin's for being too drunk.
4. The females at Rasputin's are, for the most part, whores. But at least they're not FAT whores.
5. You can count the number of receding hair lines at Rasputin's on one hand.
6. While the ratio of men to women is slightly better at Retronome, the ratio of men to attractive women at Rasputin's is far more even than at Retronome.
7. Nobody would ever dare do "The Robot" at Rasputin's.
8. I can people-watch at Rasputin's without worrying that an old man in a full-length red leather coat will whip out an AK-47 and spray the place.
9. There's a pool table at Rasputin's.
10. You will not find a hippie at Rasputin's.

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