An Important Message for Vermont Hippies

With gas prices through the roof, I understand (and commend) your efforts to reduce your consumption of fuel by riding your bicycle. After all, with your already-low salaries from working on the communes, you can't afford an extra dollar a gallon for gas. However, because you all seem to live in your own little bubble where the rest of the motoring public doesn't matter, you are violating several rules of the road. Please learn to comply with the rules below:

1. Bicycles ride with traffic. With traffic. Not against it. If I am driving down a one-way street, you should not be riding in my lane towards me.

2. Bicycles require simple maintenance. If your tires are so wobbly that you must go as slow as possible while maintaining your balance, you should not be riding that bike. Especially not the wrong way down a one-way street. It's not my fault that you paid $10 for a rusty 1960's-era Schwinn out of a thrift shop.

3. Bicycles do not belong on sidewalks. I'm cutting down on fuel consumption by walking downtown for lunch. Sidewalks are for walking. I should not be diving onto someone's lawn to get out of the way of a crazy hippie on a bicycle.

4. Bicycles should follow the rules of the road. Stop signs, yield signs, red lights, speed limits... they all apply to bicycles, too. Don't think you're too good for them just because you think we're all war-mongers for buying Middle Eastern oil.

5. Wear a helmet. Look, I know you guys smoked most of the brain cells out of your head. But protect the few that you have left. Save a few to remember these rules.

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